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Add Apple and Sun to companies that had PR Depts with the same attitude, Dan.
Best
JimF

Dan, please bring back FSJ (or any alter Ego) and give us some of this insight on daily basis. We miss it!

I know it’s time-consuming, but who else is going to name the names?

You wouldn’t have to write several pieces a day, just one

Ever wonder why this was NEVER EVER reported by defender of the little guy, Groklaw? PJ is and has always been an IBM flak, probably a gay Latino crossdresser.

Ever wonder why this was NEVER EVER reported by defender of the little guy, Groklaw? PJ is and has always been an IBM flak, probably a gay Latino crossdresser, no?

I just blogged about IBM’s attitude towards encroachment on the mainframe space last week (interestingly, my blog was picked up by Simon Phipps at Sun).

In spite of their work with Open Source on the desktop, IBM still blocks the Hercules open source mainframe emulator project. The head of the Hercules project, Roger Bowler, posted a great article at http://www.openmainframe.org talking about the patent and license problems with IBM.

I’ve got no problem with IBM protecting their profitable turf; but I do have a problem when they ask governments to make others give up theirs.

Canned and prefabricated? I was under the impression that was IBM’s ‘thing’.

It would be kind of cool, though, that they brought back the singing of IBM songs in their workplace. They could even go up a notch and update their repertoire to include hits such as:

IBM to the SOB,
Here comes the Sun, and
HyperboliciIBMsesquedalymistic.

/* P.S. Real Dan is fine as it is. Just leave Dan ALONE!!! ehh ehhe eheh guaaa! */

Dan wrote: “Will be interesting to see how IBM responds. In the past they’ve often just gone dark on publications that run critical articles. That’s one reason you don’t often see anything negative about IBM in the press. (Another is that IBM also sometimes pulls its ads out of publications that step out of line editorially.) IBM views media relations as a form of advertising. If they’ve got some breakthrough in the labs, or some new product they’re hoping to hype, they’ll hand-pick a publication or two and tee up a story. They tell you what the story is; they set the agenda; they tell you which people at IBM…”

When a Microsoft shill such as yourself, Dan, writes stuff like the above, it’s a sick joke.

So your complaint is not that the company actually engages in unfair or illegal practices with regard to competitors, but that it tightly controls its PR message and journalists’ access to its executives? What does one have to do with the other?

Our view: Globalization, ecological issues, technological impact and other modern challenges…like Apple, Microsoft and The Xbox.
Tell’ em Dan. It’s a shark eat shark ocean in world of fear. It’s a small world after all.
Great to see the real Dan

Musashi

Wow! Dan actually wrote something! I’m sure he’s exhausted himself. We won’t see anything but links to lame Newsweek articles for the next month.

We are building a portable mainframe (ha!). It will be faster, cooler and easier to use than those clonkers from IBM. They will run COBOL too (objective Cobol, the kind that objects to most code you write).

Mr. P, the guy we lured from IBM, is still on ice BUT, based on preliminary casual discussions in Starbuckses, we got this little new thing going. I am off until June, he is off because he has to be, so we get together to talk about stuff. And I take notes, which I then fax over to Schiller with arrows pointing to important stuff. I think the model is working. Mr.P gets a coffee and bagel every day, I get stuff to work on and Apple gets to prosper.

You will see, IBMers will came to see us again, in their catholic-nun formation, as soon as we boot our portable mainframe. Since it won’t have a command line, they won’t recognize what it’s for.

Hey, penny saved is a penny earned. This also counts in lawsuits.

hey FSJ, will that new portable mainframe support IBMN’s long vaunted Systems network Architecture (SNA), token ring networking and the Micro Channel Architecture? Oh, of course it must have a Top View Interface.
My how things have changed, sources said.
Jim Forbes
(a long time provider of treats to the Power Meower.)

@jim Forbsy:

It sure will be a token of appreciation ring networking, I can tell you that much. We’ll show them how CPUs are hooked up right, big and small.

Yawn.

So a giant, global corporation tightly controls its PR work? And the news is………….

Well, well, IBM and their stupid mainframes. Who uses them anyway, bail-out banks and insurers. They will soon be gone and replaced by paypal(s) and bill-me-later, and they sure as hell don’t need some MVS/zOS crap. Let the IBM mainframers get high on their “Linux-on-a-mainframe” thing and wait until it is over, hopefully soon.

Just sad for SUN, hopefully that deal never happens. Larry to the rescue!

canned and pre-fabricated = =”

Well, I guess Newsweek can kiss their IBM ads goodbye now! You’re a Microsoft shill now?! No wonder you were always digging up the dirt on Apple, and hardly ever said anything about MS. Except for those few videos and stories a day that usually ripped them pretty good. I have a whole new perspective on your perspective now. (Keep it up on all of them!)

That sounds pretty much like all the government departments. Good Press = Advertisments = Revenue for the paper. Bad Press = Out Damn Spot !

Kramer needs everyone to short Apple for a couple days so he can make his boat payment on time, okay? C’mon guys, you did it twice already this year ….

Computers are evil. And everyone who works with computers, works in the computer industry, uses computers in their day to day life, or even knows anything about computers is going to hell.

IBM leads the charge in Cloud Computing Manifesto but Microsoft and Amazon are not having none of it.

Here’s video that explains it all.
Vaguely … okay opaquely.
My ears hurt.

Okay try this one, and don’t forget to take your Extasy

Required reading
Who is really responsible for screwing up the economy, besides Phil Gramm.
Newsweeker Daniel Gross confirms most of this, especially the doublespeak, euphemisms and soft language used that would even make the late George Carlin’s head explode.
This would be funny if Rush Limbaugh wasn’t an unrepentant twelve-step skipping morally ambiguous pill popper. Oh, yeah, he’s too fat and has a big head and isn’t funny. Oh, was that obvious? I apologize. Rosie O’Donnel is also too fat and has big head but, as UNCONVENTIONAL as she may seem, she’s still FUNNY. There, I said it.

Dan tell us why you can’t make money online again…tell us why you’re retarded

Of course this comes from Ashlee Vance, who’s not above completely making ship up for a story. Total hack. Plus, he’s got a chick name.

Agreed that IBM’s PR like many other majors is very tightly controlled, so what is wrong with that?

So I gave it 10 ten days since I last checked this lame blog to see what lame stuff Dan might have added…Low and behold…..Not a friggin’ thing! Not even a piss poor link to same other lame article or video that Dan had nothing to do with. I guess I can yank the plug on this bookmark. I kept hoping Dan would wake the hell up and start doing something entertaining again. (You remember Dan? We all loved Fake Steve…you know, back when you BLOGGED!)

RIP

Oh man, Dan, I just read your latest piece about the Microsoft Ad. I wouldn’t have expected misjudgment to that amount from you. I seriously doubt your qualifications now and will have to unsubscribe this feed.

I’m all for a little Apple-dethroning, but that ad was so far off the mark it wasn’t even funny anymore. As Microsoft, why are they *even* addressing a competitor who has a neglectable market share? You said that ad agency never made a good ad until this one – that one you got clearly wrong, you should have sticked with your first instinct.

You probably are unnerved by all those stupid Apple fanboys, which is understandable, but it shouldn’t make you lose your ability to see through the spin.

Maybe I will subscribe again when you bring FSJ back.

Later
Wash

Hey Dan,

the deal is off (Sun-IBM deal), update your post(s).

@Wash Echte: Man, or should I say dude, stop abusing German language by monikering yourself.

Microsoft is a desperate company – desperate for some consumer attention because they have lost focus, lots their cool, lost their direction and now have to compete on price. This is ridiculous. Ballmer apparently thinks that competing on price will make him more billions. It won’t.

Then the entire kerfuffle about search, kumo, dick-o, whatever they are calling it now. I mean, come on Ballmer, get an overdraft at the bank and buy google so we can all move on.

@Unabomber: Might want to think twice about monikering yourself as gun-eating, gunpowder-farting bastard before posting here.

Dan, Dan, Kim Yong Il is a rocketman now and you stay quiet. tsk tsk.

Did Dan die or something? No new updates? Did years of glue inhalation and shaken baby syndrome and finally do him in?

Dan-O

Dear Rocket Leader weeps at the launch:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,513019,00.html

We, dear readers, are weeping with every glance at your blog.

Forget global warming, it is the River of Tears (hahaha) that is going to lift the oceans (and poor from poverty).

Is Microcredit analogous to Microblogging? Perpetuating same-ol, same-ol dont-think-big?

Somebody send some Kleenex to the Rocket Man, please.

*burp*

skuze me

Wow! What an amzing blog! I must tell my friends.

BULLETIN:
Scott McNeally rips off mask, revealed to be Jerry Yang, Sun investors dump stock in mass panic.

That was a dumb dumb dumb dumbass Newsweek article – the kind Mary Jo Farley farts out in her sleep.

If “Lauren the actor” was really a financially strapped dweeb, she’d arrange affordable financing with Apple (whatsamatter, her family can’t co-sign the loan, so she can pay $19 to $25 a month?), or if she’s really strapped, fuck Microsoft tax, buy a used piece of iron and load up Ubuntu or openSuse.

The dumbass article

The dumbass article

I downloaded and installed Java update. Sun is still rising.

☻/
/▌
/ \
he is emo help him feel less lonely by pasting him on every blog you read

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Microsoft was built by engineers. Marketing has always been its weak spot. But its new ads poking fun at Apple hit the mark.

Published Apr 4, 2009
From the magazine issue dated Apr 13, 2009
From the Editors (2) Lyons: Tech’s Future Is in the Cloud
Are Apple’s New Laptops Worth All The Hype?
See All Recommended (6) Dan Lyons: A Gloomy Vista for Microsoft
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She is an unlikely assassin—a cute young woman with long red hair, geeky glasses and a funky scarf. But make no mistake: Lauren De Long, star of a new Microsoft ad, is a flat-out killer. For three years Microsoft has been bullied by Apple’s snarky “I’m a Mac” ad campaign, in which Macs are represented by a smart young hipster, played by actor Justin Long, and Windows PCs are represented by the dorky, dopey John Hodgman. Microsoft has tried to fight back, but its ads have been so bad that they only made Microsoft seem even more lame.

Now comes Lauren, a real-life hipster who looks like a stereotypical Apple customer. In the ad, which debuted March 26, a documentary-style film crew follows Lauren, who’s been given $1,000 to buy a laptop and is told she can keep the change if she spends less. Along the way, she visits an Apple store, only to discover, to her dismay, that the only laptop she can afford is a last-generation model with a puny 13-inch screen. (She wants a 17-inch screen; at Apple, a laptop like that costs $2,800.) De Long’s stinging line, delivered with a sigh as she’s driving away from the Apple store: “I’m just not cool enough to be a Mac person.” At the end of the spot she ends up buying an HP laptop for $700—and pocketing the $300 difference.

The ad makes an obvious point: Macs cost more than Windows PCs. But there’s a far more damaging subtext: that people who buy Macs aren’t necessarily cool, clued-in hipsters. In fact, they might just be poseurs who paid too much for a computer–slash–fashion accessory. The deeper subtext is that these days, wasting money doesn’t make you hip and smart—it makes you stupid. In the age of the collapsing economy, frugality is the new cool.

Apple won’t comment on the new Microsoft campaign. But on tech blogs, its fans are sneering that De Long’s bargain-priced laptop is a piece of junk. They’re even questioning the ad’s premise: De Long, it turns out, is a part-time actress, which has led to charges the ad was, in fact, scripted. De Long has declined interview requests, which only fuels suspicion. However in an e-mail statement to NEWSWEEK, she insists, “I was completely unaware that I was filming a commercial.” Microsoft also insists the ad was not staged, and they have a half dozen more of these real-life-customer ads waiting in the wings. In any case, the ugly attacks from Mac fanboys are exactly what Microsoft was hoping to provoke, says David Webster, general manager for brand marketing at Microsoft. He says the idea was to turn Apple’s “I’m a Mac” campaign to Microsoft’s advantage. “We associate real people with being PCs, [but then Apple] ends up looking pretty mean-spirited, the way they go after customers,” he says. “It’s clear that’s who they are insulting.” At the same time he can’t resist taking a crack at the preciousness of some Mac users. “Not everyone wants a machine that’s been washed with unicorn tears,” he says.

The ads may be one sign that after a few bumpy years, Microsoft seems to be turning the corner. That’s partly due to the bad economy, which is driving people to low-cost computers. In February, U.S. retail sales of Windows PCs grew 22 percent, measured in units, while sales of Macs dropped 16 percent, according to researcher NPD. Apple unit sales have been dropping since October, while unit sales of Windows PC have been growing over the same period, NPD says. Much of the growth comes from “netbooks”—those tiny, low-cost notebooks that are all the rage now. Most run Windows. Apple, so far, has refused to make one, though it’s rumored to have one in the works. Instead, in January the company rolled out that 17-inch laptop with a $2,800 price tag. Talk about tone-deaf.

For Microsoft, the other good news is the early reaction to its new operating system, called Windows 7. I’ve been using a prerelease version for a couple of months, and it’s terrific. It boots up much faster than Vista, which was one of the big complaints. There are far fewer of those annoying warning messages. The user interface has a slick new feature, a “taskbar” at the bottom that shows what apps you have open. The new system is due out later this year.

While Microsoft’s engineers can be proud of that work, what amazes me most is that Microsoft’s marketers—with much help from edgy ad agency Crispin Porter & Bogusky, which Microsoft signed a year ago—have finally managed to make a decent ad, something that I can’t remember this company ever doing. Remember the print ads with office workers wearing dinosaur heads? What did those even mean? Microsoft’s culture has always been about engineering, led by über-dweeb Bill Gates. And marketing just isn’t very important when you have a monopoly.

It’s clear Microsoft realizes it has found a winner with this low-cost message. They’re running online ads where you spin two wheels—one for Apple, one for Windows PCs—and find out what the same amount of money gets you in each camp. In March, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer told a conference audience that people who buy Macs are “paying an extra $500″ just to get an Apple logo. “I think that’s a more challenging proposition for the average person than it used to be,” Ballmer said. You’d almost think he’s happy about the recession. At the very least he’s probably hoping it hangs around a while longer.

© 2009

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Report Abuse Reply Posted By: NikEs @ 04/10/2009 11:05:02 PMFirst: that 7% number is factoring in all of the uses of Windows that Apple doesn’t care (ex. Point of Sale and Windows CE devices). Second: Maybe your video card does go bad on a Mac, but that’s not that common. It may be the same hardware as a PC, but you get better specs overall. You can use all of the memory you get (instead of at most 3GB if you don’t have 64-bit windows (only 6% of Windows users do)), it’s DDR3 (not common from a PC manufacturer), tech support is much better, lemon rate is lower.

Even where the specs don’t match up (ex. 2.4 Dual Core vs. 2.6 Dual Core), they’re close enough that 98% off all computer users can’t tell the difference. PC users point to benchmarks, but most people (me included, I’m a Windows developer on XP so yes, I push XP using Microsoft software) can’t tell the difference when they actually use the computer. The reason people that like Mac like Mac is because they go to one store, get one computer, and can go back to that store for support. They’ll help you with operating system and hardware issues.

When I look through all of the Windows propaganda, I see cheap computers using less than ideal hardware that are trying to convince you that it’ll be worth it because all of the ‘good’ games run on Windows.

Report Abuse Reply Posted By: ToTheRight @ 04/10/2009 11:02:42 PMJust somebody interested in keeping their car for 10 years or more.

Report Abuse Reply Posted By: NikEs @ 04/10/2009 10:47:02 PMI happen to straddle the line between OS X and XP (I know, I did never go to Vista, that’s probably the reason). I also happen to be a very tech savy and high level user on both platforms. I like C# and Visual Studio on Windows, but any other language I develop in, I’d rather use my MacBook. Hell, every other popular language today comes pre-installed. My fiance doesn’t get PCs. The MacBook I bought her about a year ago is the best computer she’s ever owned (in her opinion). Here’s a basic example: Pop in a CD and on a Mac it shows up on your desktop. That’s just simple and straight forward, no matter how much you know. Why does IT use PCs? Cost. It’s less of an upstart cost and they can justify the replacement of machines on a regular basis because it’s spread out. Why do most schools use Mac? Ease of support. They have fewer machines to replace on a less regular basis and older machines still run fine. Of course it’s true that OS X would be attacked more if more people used it. That’s like saying Windows would be more secure if nobody used it.

It must be fun to lord your knowledge over everyone, but no one really cares Evilbert. People will use what they want. It’s like politics or religion. People make up their mind and it sticks. That being said, I know a lot more people that go Windows to Mac then I do the other way around.

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From the Editors (2) Lyons: Tech’s Future Is in the Cloud
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Bernie, Bernie, can’t you even cut out the crap from cut and paste, dude? Just fucking paste the article, not the craplinks that go with it.

But wait, you are the bullshitter by profession. I am sorry.

WSJ reports on the finest blowjob it ever got from Apple yet, and still calls it journalism.

☻/
/▌
/ \
he is emo help him feel less lonely by cup and tasting him on every blog you read

So I gave it 10 ten days since I last checked this lame blog to see what lame stuff Dan might have added…Low and behold…..lig tv izle
bedava ligtv izle
garibim
deyimlerşiir türleriçetchatsohbetNot a friggin’ thing! Not even a piss poor link to same other lame article or video that Dan had nothing to do with

The Day Windows … and OS X … and Linux …and Solaris … became irrelevant.

Larry and I went to “4-yeses” seminar over the weekend. His yacht was at the yachtemechanic and I got some free time now that I am working from home.

Anyway, we get there and Larry starts totally clicking with the 4-yeses mantra. All of a sudden, he likes Java, he likes closed applications, he likes the sun and he likes to make a difference. Next thing you know, he pulls out his iPhone and calls the Nealy (who answered with “what now?”) and mutters something about a deal. 4-yesses and bang, Sun was in the bag before the first restroom break.

No wonder Ballmer is surprised. I didn’t see it coming either.

@kajmer

in case you didn’t notice, this blog is written in comments, not articles. By readers. Are you a reader? Or are you a commenter who can’t read? Dan is busy figuring out how to make money off this thing LOL.

Money is in the twitterz.

@FSJ You are fresh!!! Your mom is telling to put down the Wii and come up from the basement to have your Mac n Cheese lunch.

Crap. Oracle will kill MySQL and OpenOffice, unless the FSF can blow Larry Ellison better than any five underage transgender whores in Bangkok or Manilla in exchange for control of these two projects (OpenOffice.org probably. MySQL is going to wither and die on the vine).

Larry, McNealy and my little self had a code review today for Java. When I said, “McNealy, this shit is f-ugly” he pulled the carpet knife from his sneaker and decapitated the first penguin that was within his reach.

Here Dan, an article from your filthy hack former employer

http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2009/0511/032-apple-steve-jobs-nobody-loves-me.html?partner=contextstory

Disclosure: I was not after “love”, I wanted dough and a Gulfstream jet. In the end, I got the dough and the jet. Figures. I am the greatest negotiator, not just the whiz kid with that vision thing.

@FSJ
Too bad you’re no longer using the jet or the cash.

Dude, I am doing 0.9 mach on that Gulfstream, with some tweaks from Pimp My Ride. And my iPhone always in Flight Mode, hm?

Some shmack published my depoz about options and being-CEO. Read, o masses, what the leader went through to bring you the stuff you wanna buy:

http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/04/25/steve-jobs-on-the-value-of-stock-options/

here:

http://www.mercurynews.com/realestatenews/ci_12227196

I have been remodeling.

another article from my younger real estate days:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2004/07/24/HOGNQ7QCOH1.DTL

can someone explain to me why I bought such a horrible house with excellent provenance?

Can someone call that guy who builds homes for people on TV to help me out?

Shouldn’t Fake Steve Jobs be brought out of retirement and promoted to Twitter?

Oracle to gut Sun Microsystems personal, then deploy new toys to capture undeveloped SMB enterprise appliance market.

Obama snubs Jobs over Schmidt. Jobs pouts, sniffs, says, “I don’t care.”

my pirate flag decor does not fit into white house, so I said thanks.

twitter and deep thoughts do not mix.

Not sure what Dan is reading or the hacks on Apple blogs, but just wanted to say that I am disgusted at number of small-minded morons giving Steve Jobs a headache about what seems to be a decrepit house he owns. Now they are trying to drag him through city council meetings, as if Jobso has nothing better to do.

Where is Governator? If city wants the house, load it up and move it. Or let it burn.

the Woodside house is a convalescent home for aging yuppie termite queens fallen victim to multiple tummy tucks, eye brow lifts and vaginal reconstructibe surgeries. the drone termites live on viagra and cellulose.

burn the sucker down for the good of the community and to please Kim Il jobs.
burn, baby burn
but call a USFS Hot Shot crew first,

Mij Sebrof

@jim Forbes: What I meant to say earlier was “where are those bastards from flip this house?” Cant they flip this historic and falling apart beautiful home? Cant they surprise Jobs?

Can someone send Pimp my Ride crew to fix Jobso’s boring AMG benz into something a little spiffier?

…and where is Oprah on this?

let him get a =flower car or a hearse.

Mij SebroF

jim forbsy, you are a little bastard, with a big F.

yes i am and I’m proudn of it. it beats lisving on the ashram and having a singular diet of yogurt and rewarmed Lentils.

Sepaking of things technology: anyone want to bet that it’s only a matter of time before Larry comes out with a network “Sparcintosh” made by Oracle’s Sun Division?

Larry has always wanted to do hardware– remember his NIC efforts years ago– and the acquisition of Sun could let him turn his dream into a reality. My bet is that Larry’s desire for hardware was a big reason for the Sun acquisition.

But, Larry gets in the hardware market and his relationship with El Jobso will go “Pffffffffffft” like a fine chunk of sense bud getting sucked into bong water.

mij Sebrof

Talk to my billions F—- jimmy. And buy a spellchecker willya?

Boys! Boys! Boys! Behave or we’ll send you both upstairs without any treats – and no video games, DVDs, internet or TV of any kind, either.

Isn’t obvious Larry is going to cobble together Sun’s playthings to make an affordable database appliance for SMBs? He’s gotta’ do something to generate new income ‘cos a lot of what Oracle offers is going to be practically available for almost free in the next five to seven years, anyway. Call the Sun acquisition Larry’s nine billion dollar investment stop-gap to oblivion.

Meanwhile, Apple, Inc will be far and away onto The Next Thing, unconcerned with the scramblings and posturings of former Silicon Valley co-horts.

Hell yeah. If Obama continues with his tax bill and makes it happen, our macbooks will be even more green than today: made in usa with the price of $35K for entry-level model.

I fartted

Now what the hell is that crazy Kiwi doing?

Fester puts on a clown show in Dallas. I got a balloon. But no one caught on video when I rubbed his head for luck. Dang!

Dang, didn’t work, repeat.

Now what the hell is that crazy Kiwi doing?

Anticipating the eventual merger between Apple and Disney, Microsoft makes a bid for Sony. You read it here first.

Why else would the Kiwi be doing this?

“He who smellt it dealt it…”