I heart David Sedaris

Um, how big are the pieces of broken glass?

Can I force-feed them to other people?

i know like really.

on one hand you got a guy that shot rockets at our enemies and another guy who shot a few staples into telephone poles as a community organizer.

I prefer to think of it is being offered tape worm infested raw sewage or shit and broken glass.

You can pick which party is which in that one.

That’s racist!

Well, it’s a fair question, to ask how the chicken is cooked. For many people, that does matter.
It’s a safe bet they aren’t going for the broken glass poo-poo. But, if they aren’t fond of the way the chicken is prepared, they may just pass on the food altogether. Or maybe chose the third option, the bag of half eaten bag of frito’s they bought in the terminal.

Wow, David Sedaris sure had a fucked up childhood. I don’t blame him for spending 3/4ths of the article talking about it.

I wonder how Sedaris squares being gay with his coming vote for John McCain.

Perhaps he just sees him as a silver daddy in waiting.

I’m a vegetarian.

Likewise, but I prefer my veggies preprocessed: cow, pig, deer, moose … Chicken is rather common, especially to a New Yorker.

Cheers

FO on the politics, will you? Stick to business reporting satire.

Close Observer, it’s amazing this bum is writing anything at all. Give him a chance.

very interesting cover of “Black Enterprise” magazine this month.
Picture of Obama with the huge words “YES, We Must!”

http://www.blackenterprise.com/CMSv75/uploadedImages/Articles/2008_Articles/Afternoon/102120081300.jpg

i have yet to find White Enterprise magazine.

pls lets get back to the tech talk.

for those of you who think that dan is getting involved in politics just think for a second dan’s whole thing is the joke. And while I may be voting for obama i find the joke to be quite funny.

Dan, dude, for the first time in months I have trouble keeping up with your posts. Did you buy a dictaphone (the tape thingy?) or did you hire a secretary?

Whatever you have done, keep it up.

vanderleun, let me get this straight – you think the point of Sedaris’ piece is that he’s going to vote for Gramps? Or are YOU being ironic? So hard to tell these days.

@Eric – Amen.

Can’t I just fast this time around? I know this is the most important meal since, well, since the last most important meal, but really, my stomach is upset, and I’m tired, and I really don’t want either the chicken or the shit with glass.

The only trouble is that if I don’t eat something, that damned stewardess will force feed it to me anyway, and I’ll surely end up with a serious case of the runs.

BTW, where’s the bathroom on this flight?

is the chicken cooked by an unrepentant terrorist, or simply a convicted slum lord?

One car, one house, one spouse – Obama!

Either way it’s still airline food…

You see, the reason David Sedaris has to choose between the shit and shards and the equally questionable chicken is that I’m holding the drinks cart hostage.

Bon apertif!

There is a third, little advertised option. Go for the Kosher meal.

You have to order the Kosher in advance. Best to fly EL AL.

Are we done with this?

danimal, i LOVE that you just quoted sedaris. i’ve been listening to his latest book on my crazy-long commute to work and cracking up. so much better than reading. he reminds me a lot of you, only i can’t decide which one of you is more twisted!

On addition to the story Dan — the airliner has lost both of its engines and its dropping out of the sky like a brick. The choice of meals is rather moot as neither will digest very well.

I heart my girlfriend.

I carry my antioxydants and parachute with me in hand luggage. Nuked chicken is just as bad for you as nuked, well, crap with bits of glass in it. Reduce health care costs by watching what you eat. Carry your parachute with you because this economy is going to stink up before it stinks down.

@FBO: I have read reports that you run on Arugula and Starburst.

I’ve attended rallies for both parties, and I gotta’ say, unless there is a huge backlog of stalwart brain dead Republican stay at home invalids sending in absentee votes, Obama has this election in the bag, though it will be popular vote tsunami, it won’t be an electoral vote landslide, but a comfortable margin, nonetheless. Congress will become a Democratic Party stronghold (let’s hope that since they’ll get the mandate, they’ll have an actual agenda and not fuck this up). The period between November 5 2008 and January 20 2009 will be the most hair-raising lame duck in U.S. history as Bush/Cheney do everything to protect their friends and their own interests. Presidential pardons and amnesties will be at an all time high. Don’t be surprised if Dubya actually tries to issue a Gerald Ford type pardon for Cheney and himself!

We need more Donald, not chicken. We need Trump to fly over there (wherever that is), kick some ass, fire some people, and then close the deal.

Dan, father

Check this out:

Bono with two teen hotties in St. Tropez (counts as sitting in a hot tub with some bitches):

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,444186,00.html

The curse of Facebook has caught up on Elevation Pardner.

OMFG, would you believe there is an exploratory committee to have Dubya run for Congress in North Texas in 2010? And he would win, too, and practically own that seat until he died or got bored.

Fortunately, I don’t think he would be interested. I imagine he’s looking for a cinchy retirement, you know, sit on a few Board of Directors, golf, fish, hunt, attend fundraisers, ATTEMPT to write his memoirs, attend his daughters’ weddings, you know, goof around, be a slacker ex-President.

It’s always the same,
havin’ another breakdown!
And drive me insane!

Real Dan, Real Asshole. FakeSteve must be spinning in his grave.

Déjà vu, anyone?

“Déjà vu, anyone?”

Well it wont be DJV until he comes back and say.

” I am really sorry, I was tied up in the bedroom with Denny Terrio or some other version of the apology”

Not that there is anything wrong with that!

After 8yrs. of this $#%^^&&*^, How can any republican Smile or even try to push their Fucked up veiws…..Shut up and let someone else try for a few years…It’s your turn to eat glassy shit.

This is how desparate I am for Dan’s wit and wisdom: I’ve started reading NYC food blogs. Is that wrong?

Dan, father,

IBMers are back at Apple. Check this out:

http://www.internetnews.com/bus-news/article.php/3782176/IBM+Files+Suit+to+Keep+Chip+Exec+From+Apple.htm

They seem to be a bit angry because they don’t get how Apple does business.

Wouldn’t say they arrived as Catholic Nuns this time but rather like HR nazis

Helloooooo Daaaannnn! Where aaaaare you? Has anyone filed a missing persons report?

man, this is just depressing

It just shows you the respect he has for all his readers (if he has any left, of course).

So you shut for good? Dude, have at least the decency to tell us.

Much love,
G-Rock

I tell ya, Lyons discontinued the Fake Steve blog when the Apple fanboy commentards took over, as they have here. It’s all your fault.

Fake Steve, I miss it when you mock me. Please come back. I feel fit, strong and healthy… and… I miss you…..

I googled Dan Lyons yesterday and Our Man has published another Newsweak masterpiece on Cloud Computing. Dan has a job folks AND he is doing alpha-level thinking. Like our Dear Leader, high level thinking means “no communication” or posts on blogs and such. That’s for the gamma-phase of alpha-level thinking.

@ SamG

Yeah, when he was on Fortune’s dime that didn’t stop him from the volumes of crap that helped push up sales of his book. Now he has nothing to push. No new book, columns that can be read online for free. Alpha-Level? No.

Sam,

I highly doubt that! Either he doesn’t give a damn about the blog and is trying to change his image or someone got to him with a pending lawsuit or some garbage like that!

You just don’t go from his level of activity in the past to this pulse-less state of vegetation.

Things are bad! Bike helmet girl is roiling in her undies and Fake Woz has gone to reading Yahoo OMG…

Hey Dan maybe you could atleast link to a video or something that is posted on gizmodo. Or comment on a thread at macrumors about no firewire.

That would appear like stellar insight at this point.

The zeppelin is packed. We’re off to Auckland! Who’s with me?

DELETE from favorites. Former favorite spot sewn with salt.

Dan, dude,

don’t lose you cool. You are only missing two earthshattering events in history: an event called “Obama” and another event called “Catholic Nuns turn into pissed off samurai legal fighters because they are afraid of Forbidden Fruit.” (it is brilliant, I know).

So, just go on Dan, miss the history in making. Just f–ing miss it, like we miss your input.

Dan,

At my place here, we have Jeans Days and health awareness going on and I thought of you. You know why? Because I think you had a very cushy job over at Forbes. They did not tax you with work like Newsweak, so you had time to work on FSJ blog (likely on company’s time) and they were proud of you. They even liked your obnoxius FSJ ways. They gave you a paycheck.

Then Newsweak came along, made some promises, offered a bit more money. You jumped the ship, shut down the blog which made you famous. Few months into this Newsweak gig, I can tell you are trapped in the Writer’s Sweatshop. I bet there is a worm application installed on your desktop counting keystrokes, phrases and other “verbiage” you have to crank out every day. If you fall behind, the worm starts talking to HR and launching macros tied to the perf. review template. Technology is so powerful, in a Gestapo-sort-of-way.

Anyway, folks at Forbes would take you back I am sure. Maybe they would cut your dental in half, but that’s a small price to pay for the benefits of not-being in a sweatshop. Also, the creativity may creep back in.

And… oh yes. Get yourself Kaspersky to get those worms out.

Just a few ideas I wanted to throw your way.

I found Dan’s latest article

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/11/03/AR2008110302995.html

His head is in the clouds. It remains a mystery why he cannot post a link here. I am going to send him an invoice to Newsweak.

Yesterday’s man.

@James & Grandmaster_FUD

Great analysis. I thought that Dan-O was an intrepid (not the car, but the intrepid dude) but wrong, wrong, wrong.

Or IBM finally read that FSJ article about IBMers being like Catholic Nuns and off it went.

Sam,

I read the story with the same enthusiasm I reserve for opening a can of corn. Really generic, very un-dan like. It was a regurgitated story anyway…. didn’t he hash this with his Fake Steve blog?

Sorry Dan, but your blog has gotten way too political.

And not the good type of political either. The really annoying political. So, I’m gonna have to remove you from my RSS feeds.

In short…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axWsbQhNCs0

Writer’s sweatshop? The WaPo thing is the first time his byline’s turned up anywhere in close to three weeks, and as a bonus it’s a rehash of what he’s already written about the cloud. What’s Newsweek got him doing, serving canapes at parties? At this point I’m marginally more worried about Lyons’s well-being than I am about Real Steve Jobs’s.

People would be less annoyed, to be sure, if he hadn’t hit “pause” on that David Sedaris quote–a sixth-grade potty gag that every Obama supporter on the Internet immediately reacted to like it was a bon mot dropped directly from the lips of Oscar Wilde. Look, I like a feces joke as much as the next guy, but c’mon.

Of course you like David Sedaris, you’re very very white!

So which candidate was the chicken again?

Dear David, your blog is very interrested and it’s the future press if our crises economy will finished and all changed to good way and we solve energy problems resource, I say Bloggers and E-Press it start be the famous and the nearest for peoples around the world and it’s values start be higher than before, b-se of freedome of sayng ideas of peoples and quick change old bad ideas. STS-DESIGN is our group of Web site design and developpement Situated in Odessa and Kiev known in all Ukraine and Greece and start expand around the world and in USA also, we have very good skills in website create, design and developpement with all kind of known languages. We know what means blog sites and free site and site database, we offer all peoples or companies who want create their personal or proffessional web site to contact us you are all welcome around the world. it’s not advertising issues it’s our Ideas to improve and expand all ideas in sites and to related all peoples around the world each for other to create a freedome in E-Press in Sites New Ideas to expand our World for new Generation not close opened and free free free.
Thanks again for you all, and for Mr David.

Dear Sir dan lyons, your blog is very interrested and it’s the future press if our crises economy will finished and all changed to good way and we solve energy problems resource, I say Bloggers and E-Press it start be the famous and the nearest for peoples around the world and it’s values start be higher than before, b-se of freedome of sayng ideas of peoples and quick change old bad ideas. STS-DESIGN is our group of Web site design and developpement Situated in Odessa and Kiev known in all Ukraine and Greece and start expand around the world and in USA also, we have very good skills in website create, design and developpement with all kind of known languages. We know what means blog sites and free site and site database, we offer all peoples or companies who want create their personal or proffessional web site to contact us you are all welcome around the world. it’s not advertising issues it’s our Ideas to improve and expand all ideas in sites and to related all peoples around the world each for other to create a freedome in E-Press in Sites New Ideas to expand our World for new Generation not close opened and free free free.

wow why do i even check this place anymore? Are you trying to quit blogging all together and just using htis as your nicotene patch?

Next thing you know the spam will outweigh the comments.

you gotta start posting again, this blog is stale and almost off my daily check list. Obama won!, get with it man!

Yeah, Really great blog … Nice work dan.
/b/

So I gave it 10 ten days since I last checked this lame blog to see what lame stuff Dan might have added…Low and behold…..lig tv izle
bedava ligtv izle
garibim
deyimlerşiir türleriçetchatsohbetNot a friggin’ thing! Not even a piss poor link to same other lame article or video that Dan had nothing to do with