September 9th, 2008 // 47 Comments
Filed: Tech
But Dear Leader remains alive and well (see photo above). Oh, and they’ve got some upgraded iPods and a new version of iTunes. Seriously? That’s it? I’m still trying to figure out why they held an actual event today instead of just putting out a press release. As a fellow filthy hack commented to me after the big show, “Can you imagine if Sony did this?” Nevertheless, there was much cheering and shouting and clapping and whooping, even though much of it came from Apple employees who had been instructed to remove their green event T-shirts so they’d look like regular members of the public. I’m not making that up. Friends, it’s true — Apple brings along its own employees and has them cheer like mad for their own products.
Afterward I wondered if the entire purpose of the event was simply to have a reason to put Dear Leader out in public. Thing is, Dear Leader, while definitely still alive, nonetheless looks frail. We saw him afterward, being escorted away by the very dangerous looking Katie Cotton, who has this very intense smile that seems to say, Don’t even think about trying to get close to us, punk, or I will friggin bite your nuts off. It’s hard to describe this but there’s something not quite right about the way Dear Leader walks. I thought maybe I was imagining this but another hack said he thought the same thing.
But Dear Leader is making an effort to let everyone know that he’s doing just fine, thank you. So, um, all right. Game on, people.
just watched the keynote in quicktime … i too am concerned for Jobs. he really looks just as frail as he did during his summer keynote … i thought for sure they would want to show him off looking more healthy and fit, and with some weight gain, but that wasn’t the case at all. he also seemed to be less focused and a bit wandering during his hands-on demos, which is really unlike him. i really hope I’m wrong, but I have the sense that Steve may not be at Apple in 5 years, at the least …
Just trying to perfect himself. This is the thinnest Steve Jobs Apple has ever made.
“This is the thinnest Steve Jobs Apple has ever made.”
…soon he’ll fit not only in your front pocket, but in the little coin section.
Kim Jong Il, the original Dear Leader, hasn’t been seen in public for what, a month now? And Apple puts Jobs out on stage for the flimsiest of reasons? Coincidence? The Real Real Steve is running North Korea. What we saw was Fake Real Steve.
RSJ is FINE!!!!
bring FSJ back!
more bottom feeding from Dan. Disgusting.
Pffft! Apple makes it everyone’s business by trotting him out for a lame product intro. Puhleeeze.
Now he’s “walking funny”? Jeez, what next, Dr. Dan?
You make fun of Dvorak for saying crazy stuff to increase his page views, but I think you’re on the same slippery slope.
I realise finding your own voice after being so successful as Fake Steve is difficult, but, frankly, I don’t feel you’re there yet. Your own postings, not filtered through a fictional character, come across as mean-spirited and forced. Strangely enough, I liked Fake Steve, but so far at least, I don’t like Real Dan at all.
Hmm… although he still looks a lot more skinny than he did, he looks a lot better than he did at WWDC, and he seemed to be less listless than at WWDC. It certainly looks like whatever it was was more serious than a stomach bug, but he looks like he’s improving - slowly.
Although the announcements were actually quite small, there was a rather important part in there: Steve said that the iPod/iPhone Cocoa platform was now the best platform for mobile gaming. That’s certainly thrown the gauntlet at Nintendo’s feet (and Sony’s while they’re at it). This should be very interesting…
Crackpot vegetarian/vegan/pescetarian diets (something Jobs has had a long past record of) leading to weight loss is not necessarily a sign of impending death.
It’s sad that in modern western society, morbid obesity is seen as somehow more socially acceptable.
Phormic, you’re in denial. Look at the dude. He doesn’t look healthy.
I am not a US citizen, I live in Europe (thank the Lord
) so I can tell healthy skinny from common-bug-skinny.
First, you write:
“That’s it? I’m still trying to figure out why they held an actual event today instead of just putting out a press release.”
Then, you write:
“Afterward I wondered if the entire purpose of the event was simply to have a reason to put Dear Leader out in public.”
Are we supposed to believe you wrote the first paragraph during the show, and then wrote the second some time later, after you figured out what it was all about? I’m not buying it. I’m thinking you already had the idea for the second paragraph in mind when you wrote the first.
Are you being deliberately disingenuous to insult your readers or something?
Steve looked great. Just great. He just looks a little older, and looks like he got rid of that pesky baby fat.
Yup, that’s all it is.
*rocks back and forth in rocking chair staring aimlessly*
Yup, Steve’s fine. Steve’s fine.
- Barry
I think Dan is just fishing for a profanity-laced phone call from Steve.
So how would Steve’s opening line go?
“hello Fake Me, this is Real Me.”
Most commentators seem to have missed the obvious news: the Genius feature in iTunes. Only one have made the right conclusions: James McQuivey at Forrester research.
I think Jobs is returning to full strength.
Don’t miss his interview on CNBC! He is pretty forceful and energetic, not sounding as frail as during the event:
http://www.cnbc.com/id/26628547
Their stock has lost 15% in a month so they try to turn things around. Problem is investors don’t give a f* about new products. What matters is Job’s health and by the looks of it things aren’t as great as Apple would like us to believe. Good thing I sold at $171.81 …
They held the event because they redid the whole iPod lineup, released a new Touch, iTunes 8 with some fairly sizable new features, and because when Apple invites, y’all still go running.
Also, they are the leader in both the player and store markets. If Sony had marketshare to speak of in either one, I’m sure they would parlay it into publicity.
As far as Jobs’s health goes, it’s getting to be a tired topic for folks who don’t prefer Valleywaggery to actual news or analysis, IMO.
He looked OK to me, but I only saw the video on my laptop in bed (cough, cough).
So it was a dog and pony show for the boys and girls on Wall Street, apparently, too bad it didn’t work. If they announced the freakin’ Beatles on iTunes already, at least LOVE, fer crissakes, that would have done the trick (and maybe had Ringo or Paul end the oldies show instead of this Johnson dude).
Too bad. Do they have the ITMS in New Zealand?
“Afterward I wondered if the entire purpose of the event was simply to have a reason to put Dear Leader out in public.”
That’s just nuts. Apple has held a similar event at a similar time for similar product increments for several years running. Not holding it this year would have produced far more negative speculation.
Dan Lyons - I think now you really are being a really very nasty specimen of a human being.
It is apparent to anyone who saw it, as many have already commented around the web, that although still a bit on the thin side, Jobs was obviously fit and well.
For you to continue on this health issue is despicable. I hope that one day you will have cause to regret it.
A new thinner iPod presented by a new thinner SJ. Kind of fitting…
To the moaners. Get a life and read a blog you like. Nobody’s forcing you to read this. Bye bye (hopefully)
Summin ain’t right dear lion.
I watched 5 minutes of the keynote and came over here hoping you would have written some more on El Jobso’s health (after I saw a pic of you at the event) - but no.
He looks frail, he’s disorientated, less organised, he doesn’t seem his usual self. It was like listening to a speech by someone in class who has the flu.
And the nanos?
Talk about apple going downhill. The advert on the front page of apple.com was terrible, the almost MS Word 2003 ‘Word-Art’ style lettering. I thought it was an early april’s fools.
“Don’t believe the hype”.
apple may be stocking the audience with employees & shills (i recognized woz & goat-berg/crunch-berg out there, for a couple, who will clap for a piece of poo in aluminum & glass), but do they really need to?
it doesn’t take much chum in the water to get us fan-boi sharks salivating. go ahead. wave anything with an apple logo on it in front of me. i dare ya.
{wave!}
woot! woot!!
… see …?
At least he’s not dead. http://www.isstevejobsdead.com
Why didn’t you just admit you’ve never watched an Apple event before?
“I’m not making that up. Friends, it’s true — Apple brings along its own employees and has them cheer like mad for their own products.”
You’ve never seen Jobs have those who worked on the products stand up for a round of applause? Of course they’re in the audience. Lots of them. It’s a perk. Apple’s never hidden this fact, nor is it any kind of secret. Thanks for the news flash, got any updates on the Hindenburg?
“I thought maybe I was imagining this but another hack…”
A rare bit of honesty. Yes, you’re a hack.
re: whooping
I’ve always wondered about that. Last few videos I’ve watched have at least one member whose “woo’s” are perfectly on time, and sound EXACTLY the same. This last video was particularly obvious since the crowd was underwhelmed. Reminds me of the iPhone cheerleaders at the Apple store. Cute - but gimmicky.
Man, me too! Apple hasn’t held an event for an iPod upgrade since, what, 2007? And 2006? And, er, 2005…and 2004…oops, that’s right, Apple has held an iPod event once a year for the last seven years.
I miss the days when Steve was fake and your writing was intelligent and insightful.
Real Dan, I think the FSJ blog was a clever way to mock the less flattering aspects of Apple, the muteness, the tight secrecy, etc. But your argument here is disingenuous, and this is definitely not funny. You did a complete 180. You know full well that Apple always holds an iPod event in September. Most often, the event is just business as usual, the iPod will get a redesign, new colors, etc. It has been the case since the dawn of time. The event is over-hyped and Apple fans are left underwhelmed (Where’s the flying iCar?), but you know how it ends. Come January, Apple is maintaining its lead and investors are quite pleased.
As an European I wished somehow that intellectuals in the US had had the same tenacity in politics as they have in stalking Steve Jobs. Fake Steve was super. But you can not change blogs and keep the same persona. As a comedy writer I’ve seen this a lot. A character becomes popular, and the actor (& public) confuse both. The character you created was hilarious. But this here isn’t Real Dan, this is again a fictional character. There is a problem if you think this is the real You. Take care, seriously.
You’re an ass. And this is the last time I’ll read your blog. In fact I already had stopped reading it but Daring Fireball wrote about you today. You stopped blogging as fake steve which was a funny blog as the nastiness, egocentrism and lack of suffering fools gladly was a Jobs’ trait. Now you’re channeling Jobs a bit, adding what I assume is your own ‘personality’ and adding a heavy dose of snark, or maybe that actually is your personality. Perhaps Gizmodo turned down your job application.
As someone who has watched a family member go through all the heartbreak of pancreatic cancer, the Whipple procedure and the various complications that follow, Jobs appears to be doing very well. Seriously. He also appeared animated in the interview I saw with him. He’s very thin, but to me he looks healthy and it’s more of an indictment of what weight is considered ‘normal’ in America. And Jobs has always had an odd gait.
Dan, you appear to have some personal issues. You don’t appear happy with your position in the world. You’ll never be Steve Jobs and the reflected glory that you basked in by being the fake version has left you empty inside. I suggest a colonic with a fire hydrant. If you’re going to be an asshole, at least have a clean one.
long time fan, first time poster. the ‘dear leader’ stuff is getting annoying. apple holds one of these events every year. move along…
jesterpaul, since when must those who disagree with a blogger refrain from posting? Believe me, Lyons likes stirring the pot. Controversy creates traffic, which begets ad revenue — or in his case book sales.
Lyons accuses Jobs of lying, but Lyons himself is lying because he knows better than anyone that Apple holds an iPod event every September in advance of the Christmas shopping season. Why would Apple not do so this year? Would a press release have created as much publicity as the event? I think not. Hey, his name is Lyons after all.
Their stock has lost 15% in a month so they try to turn things around. Problem is investors don’t give a f* about new products. What matters is Job’s health and by the looks of it things are not as great as Apple would like us to believe. Good thing I sold at $171.81 …
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