“Anyway, I’m starting at Newsweek tomorrow and Fake Steve was supposed to be part of my job. So we’re going to discuss whether to revive the blog”.

Hey, Dan. Tell me how these two sentences go together without you coming off as some sort of pathetic weasel. You’re going around spreading how sick he is, but then you want to restart the FSJ blog? If he is that sick, as you maintain, what will the satire be based on, Dan? You making fun of someone chronically ill? There is seriously something wrong with you.

Steve was a unique person who did a half decent job of bringing Apple computer (which he started) back from obscurity to near obscurity. I always knew this moment would come, but somehow I am surprised but my reaction: depression.
It’s hard to explain, not having Jobs around. It’s like that corn I had on my pinkie toe, it hurt, it was hard, I used to soak it every evening, I’d scrape it, pick at it, yet it still hung on! One day after it healed, I realised I missed it.
I will miss picking on Jobs, he gave me something to do in the afternoon.

Seriously; I will miss Steve.

I am not evil

sitting like vultures waiting for the other pancreas to drop. why i oughta moi-der-ize ‘em, i say! poor RSJ. he just wants to make beautiful, shiny gadgets in the jobs pod and go all gandhi-esque on us. after all, i diet of smart water, bits of watercress and the occasional indulgent slice of rare asian pear flown in from japan and only whilst in season and freshly picked can’t put much meat on yer bones. true artists just aren’t outback steakhouse kinda guys, you fat-ass americans.

why did only 84,000 people see Barry give his acceptance speech at denver’s invesco field? because if americans were the actual size of normal humans in the rest of the world, they could’ve fit 125,000 in there, easy.

put down the bag of doritos™ and step away slowly …